*head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

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Fri, 2012-03-09 16:58
#1
ACWN
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*head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

I'm sure some of you remember when I posted not too long ago about a couple of my co-workers and their comments about how I should be a brunette and that women should not be redheads unless they wear makeup because they get "washed out"....

 

Well, the co-worker who made the washed out comment and I got into it a couple days back. Sortve. But I had to share my frusteration with you ladies again... cause you get it. I cut my hair again because I wasnt happy with the last one.. the stylist didnt listen when I told her I wanted something I DIDNT have to spend forever styling with a blow dryer. She gave me that any way. ~_~ I'm lazy, thank you. I just want to wash and go. Plus I wanted to get rid of the last of the chemically damaged length, so I cropped it short. I got most of it, just have a couple inches from my bangs left to trim off, but that will be in a few months when my hair's gotten longer again.

 

Any way! My co-workers asked me why I did it, they like the new style but liked that my hair was getting so long before. I tried explaining about the whole blow drying thing and got about as far as saying that I couldnt use a flat iron cause it would burn the henna (though, as dark as my hair is, I'm not sure it would.. but I dont want to risk it either!) when the ex-stylist co-worker pipped up saying she didnt know why I kept putting "that stuff" in my hair because all I was doing was "ruining my hair".

When I tried to tell her she was incorrect and that henna was GOOD for the hair, that the stuff she knew was based on compound henna, she fought me on it and proceeded to try and recite what she had been tought at cosmetology school - that ALL henna is bad. That I could never bleach my hair again because it would fry my hair (novel concept, no?) if I ever went to a professional salon and had them do it. Never mind that I HAVE bleached my hair almost back to blonde with henna in it and nothing happened (her excuse for THAT was that I use stuff from Sally's). Frusterated, I tried explaining and all I got from her was an interrupting, snarky "did you go to cosmetology school?" and "Yes or no?" when I opened my mouth, and then she proceeded to tell me my natural color was beautiful.

...She's never SEEN my now natural color the entire time I've worked there. What she's seen is the henna over my now natural color.

 

Customer's came in about that point and the conversation was dropped. Unfortunately, it wasnt until well afterwards that I thought of the equally snarky reponse of "well have you actually researched henna or are you just buying what they're telling you?".

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Fri, 2012-03-09 20:54
Carrie
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

How uncool and really unprofessional of her to try to harangue you about this while you are both at work. Never mind that she is rude to even bring it up - who asked for her opinion? 

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Fri, 2012-03-09 21:38
(Reply to #2)
ACWN
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

Oh this is the same girl who made the off handed comment that women shouldnt be redheads unless they wear make up because they look washed out without any one talking to her in the first place. So, I basically get her opinion whether I ask for it or not most of the time.

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Sat, 2012-03-10 00:21
FreeSprit74
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

When I tried to tell her she was incorrect and that henna was GOOD for the hair, that the stuff she knew was based on compound henna, she fought me on it and proceeded to try and recite what she had been tought at cosmetology school - that ALL henna is bad.

God... this sounds EXACTLY like the line I got from the stylist I ended up having to fire 2 years ago. And that's what my last cut-n-color session with her turned into - a fight. Never mind that I tried to point out to her the dangers of PPD which, undoubtedly, was an ingredient in the Redken chemical red colors she had been using on my hair for the past 16 months before I put my foot down and decided to make the change to henna!

One thing I have found through my experiences in the salon I go to now to get my hair cut: the older stylists (late 40's and older) actually "get it" and are knowledgable about henna. My henna-head is actually admired at the place I've been going to for the past year (my mother goes to the same salon, and even she gets told how beautiful my hair color is!), and neither of the people I've gone to there (including the owner) have tried to talk me out of using it. ~~ It may be because when they were getting their cosmotology education, the schools they went to were probably less likely to be sponsored or owned by haircare companies that want to see their product pushed.  

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Sat, 2012-03-10 00:27
(Reply to #4)
ACWN
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

It may be because when they were getting their cosmotology education, the schools they went to were probably less likely to be sponsored or owned by haircare companies that want to see their product pushed.

 

That wouldnt surprise me if that was the case. Old school vs new school. I dunno, it just irritates the crap out of me because she wants to be such a ----- about it. If she says anything about it again, I think I will turn it back on her and ask if she's ever done any actual research on henna, then tell her only come talk to me about it when she has.

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Sat, 2012-03-10 10:09
(Reply to #5)
xyz
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

ACWN,

I remember the old post about your coworkers harassing you for being a redhead and not wearing makeup.  Please, for your sanity, do not mind them.  Better yet--avoid the opportunity to be around them during "down" time that will entice them to engage you in conversation about whatever warped idea of beauty they have.  Do not allow them to make you feel frustrated...because that will slowly sicken you--leaving them very much alive to continue to upset people with their ignorant comments.  Look:  they obviously do not have manners, have not learned the fundamentals of effective interpersonal communication, and do not know how to behave in the workplace.  Why give them permission to make you feel bad?  And since they think they know better than you, they won't listen in the spirit of learning--so why try to educate them?  "Don't cast pearls before swine!" 

As I told you before...you have grounds for bringing up a harassment complaint with the management.  You don't actually have to go through with it if that makes you uncomfortable, just tell the coworkers that if they don't stop "voicing their unrequested opinions" about your appearance, you will talk to you supervisors about the oppressive environment they are creating.  This is the same case as if they were talking about your sexual orientation, ethnic background, weight, socio-economic upbringing, reputation, etc.  Coworkers are simply not allowed to bring up things that do not affect one's work performance, and the law protects you. 

And finally, I say this with all my love and respect, from the perspective of someone who's much-much-much older that you:  GET A BACKBONE.  Don't let people even think they can step on you.  You don't have to be rude, just say "If that's what you want to talk about, I'm not interested" and walk away.  AVOID TOXIC PEOPLE at all costs!

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Sat, 2012-03-10 10:26
(Reply to #6)
ACWN
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

*chuckles at the backbone comment* If the customer had not walked in when they did, we probably would have really gotten into it and she would have gotten a pretty good piece of my mind. But its the nature of the place we work - our salon is pretty darn tiny and there are far too many people in it all at once. There are 7 groomers and now 4 bathers in a space that doesnt total much beyond a 20x20 ft square room. And we have to deal with each other on a daily basis while dealing with barking, misbehaving dogs.

And as far as bringing it to management for harrassment... well.. I would have to actually call the care line on my co-workers because my store manager is just as bad as they are, if not worse. The crap he says and does should get him fired, but theres no one around to police his actions because he's store manager. He tends to make everyone pretty miserable in general when he's on duty.

 

Most of the time I ignore whats being said to me or about me and dont think twice about it, but there are a few times when they just get to me. The only reason this one did and I posted about it is because she wanted to argue with me and refused to listen. She clearly thought she knew more about henna than I did just because she went to beauty school and it just continued to irritate the crap out of me.

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Sat, 2012-03-10 10:49
(Reply to #7)
Carrie
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

I have to wonder what happened to her career aspirations since she switched to beautifying another species ... Of course, dogs are more socially evolved than humans, and they don't talk back.

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Sat, 2012-03-10 10:54
(Reply to #8)
ACWN
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

Yeah, I kinda wonder the same thing. But believe me, they have ways of "talking back" even if they dont have the vocal ability to do so.. but thats a whole other story, lol.

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Sat, 2012-03-10 12:18
(Reply to #9)
xyz
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

Yes, but you know YOU are right and she's wrong.  If you wanted to be as rude to her as she is to you, you could tell her that if she were such an expert and had done so amazingly well in cosmetology school she probably wouldn't be grooming dogs--but then, you'd be lowering yourself to her standards, so don't. Keep that ugly comment to run to in your mind when you feel like slapping her.

About the work conditions in close quarters--that makes it even more of a reason for you you to take a stand and stop everyone on their tracks as soon as it is appropriate...because you can't escape their presence and the bullying won't stop if you keep playing nice.  Next time, make a dramatic announcement.  Say, within earshot of EVERYONE, "I have realized that we have veeeery different ideas about beauty, and since it's obvious we won't agree on much, from now on I will keep my opinions on the topic to myself and expect everyone else to do the same.  Understood?" Practice in the mirror until you can say it without anger or fear, then deliver the lines with a cryptic smile, like you're Meryl Streep.  Don't explain, don't elaborate.  Next time they try to engage, (which is likely to be immediately because they're going to want to tell YOU what they can and cannot say) smile and say: "Sorry!  Off-topic." [exactly as you do here when people bring up premixed hennas :-) right?] It's important that you use lot's of "I" messages so it doesn't come across as a threat or attack.  And then, be ready to ignore aaaaall the stupid comments they'll throw "around" you, because they WILL try to provoke you.  You HAVE to learn to not engage--which will require, on your part, refraining from extolling the virtues of henna (your coworkers are obviously not a receptive audience) so they can in turn respect you choosing to not agree or disagree with their views.  Wear earplugs if you must, the very obvious kind that have the plastic cord to attach them.  I'm serious!  Blame it on a mysterious ringing in the ears or whatever you want, and put them in when you need a break from the negativism.  Your "friends" will likely see through it...which is not a bad thing.

If things get really bad, and they might, be prepared to say "This is not work-related, and I've asked you to not talk to me about it. If you keep insisting, I'm going to have to report you for harassment".  The "threat" of a bad report is usually enough to make people think twice.  But if it comes to actually seeking "help" from a supervisor...even if your manager is as bad as your coworkers are, she/he HAS to take action within 3 weeks of a complaint being filed.  You work for a corporation in the U.S., and luckily for you, those are the rules. 

Please trust me, you are very young and will likely have many other coworkers to deal with in the future...hopefully in a different setting...but people like this are everywhere, so you have to learn to take care of yourself and protect your mind and your soul from those who are unkind, inconsidered, and ignorant.  Take it from me--I won't go into personal details, but I've faced many different "types" of discrimination and harassment (in the workplace and elsewhere) and I've learned that you cannot give people permission to mistreat you.  You don't have to live with a chip on your shoulder, and rudeness is never a good idea, but once in a while you have to point out when someone has crossed a line.  People usually back off, and some even come around after they realize they have been unfair. 

I wish you luck!

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Sat, 2012-03-10 11:39
Crabbyco
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

Just adding my 2 cents. If she learned soooo much in "beauty school"  why is she working on dogs? I get why I would work on dogs instead of people....the clients are easier to deal with and the products are better.

This is why I work with men, in a metal shop. No one cares what I look like and no b**ching or back stabbing.

Look for another job, doesn't sound like the money is worth the b.s.

Edit: Just read my own post....:/

I must explain that I worked for 12 years with people like this and it made me sick. Like having to go to the doctor sick. It just isn't worth it. The last straw was when two girls were fighting over a guy (loser)and everyone had to work around them as if we were taking sides to keep some peace.

I pray things work out for you.

Hold your henna head high!

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Sat, 2012-03-10 12:06
(Reply to #11)
ACWN
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

Believe me, I've been looking. If I could find something like you have, Crabby, I'd take it in a heart beat. Especially since I'm not a groomer, they get commission and make bank. I'm hourly and barely above minimum wage. I'm not getting paid even remotely enough for the drama and crap.

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Sat, 2012-03-10 12:08
magdalene00
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

Not sure why the two of you are even having this conversation, esp. at work. Totally unnecessary and only engenders hard feelings on both sides.  Best at work to keep things neutral as much as you can.  Everyone is entitled to her opinion, and not everything requires a response. If others forget that, sometimes its up to you to remember.

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Sat, 2012-03-10 12:28
(Reply to #13)
xyz
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

You see, ACWN!  You have lots of people who "get you" and respect you here!  Don't give your coworkers a scintilla of your soul!

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Sat, 2012-03-10 13:55
Redheadboysmama
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

ACWN, this is how it goes with anything that is "different" from the norm.  People will criticize and question if you know what you're doing because they have accepted the mainstream explanation that hair color is safe.  Well, if you do any research at all, you know it isn't, so if you want to color your hair, what are you left with?  Perfectly safe henna!  And even if it did "coat" your hair, so what?  That's not dangerous!

It's amazing how there is an overload of information out there with the internet, and yet most people still just accept what the TV news tells them.  Someone who said that henna is not understood today like it used to be because Redken and others are the cosmetology school sponsors hit it right on the head.....same reason why natural medicine is not taught in medical school....drug companies fund a lot of stuff at med schools.  Just follow the money trail!

Even if you did something really freaky with your hair, it's YOUR hair.  Hair is an accessory today, just like eyeglasses.  Do what makes you happy!  And thanks for all your answers to my questions!  I'm thrilled over the top with my henna hair!  I tell everybody I use henna now, and they're impressed.

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Sat, 2012-03-10 14:55
ACWN
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

Thanks, all... I appreciate it. :)

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Sun, 2012-03-11 04:18
malwes
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Re: *head desk* More co-worker frusteration.

 Well, I am generally quite well "resistant" to "opinions". Of course those relating to my provate life and private decisions. I know that it is not so easy but try to ignore her and her comments. Juust state clearly that each of you has the right to make your own judgements and no-one encourage her to use henna. She can do what she wants with HER hair.

You can either give her a link to the Catherine's book or ignore her completely. Just do what you want, enjoy henna and enjoy your hair becoming more and more strength and healthy. Let the co-worker observe and envy. I guarantee that in couple of months she may be curious to read more about henna;).

Remember, that if somebody is strongly against something, this is not a good idea to argument and try to convince that person at any price. You only show that you care about her/his opinion, which gives that person stupid satisfaction and encourages her/him to continue discussion. Make it short, end it up.

In terms of colour, you can be red, blue, green or yellow if you wish. Who cares? It should be out of her/his interest scope. That is why you shall not comment or pay any further attention to the comments.

And do not worry yourself because I feel that the co-worker is not the main problem. The problem is you, feeling bad with their comments... If you really feel good with your hair-style try not to please people but please yourself only. Your hair is beautiful, you are beautiful and you like your style! 

Good luck!

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